As my last few posts have probably indicated, it's been a simultaneously stressful and exciting time to be a software engineer in the Bay Area. There is an existential threat to my current job, but so much opportunity to grow into whatever comes next. The hard days are also the days when I don't want to eat the right food, get to sleep at the right time, or go outside at all. All the motivation is channeled into the stress response. It's obviously not productive, but in the moment it is incredibly difficult to stop the spiral.
Grunt loud. Be happy.
I've mostly written about running on this blog, but that's only a product of the times. I don't like running. But the roads didn't close like the gyms did during COVID, so I made the best of a bad situation. Once I was doing any running at all, I decided to knock out my marathon bucket list item. For someone who doesn't like running and seems to injure himself every time he pushes his weekly mileage, this was several years of not very much fun. But I did it! And now I've been able to turn back to my actual fitness interests: climbing and lifting heavy things.
The process is so laughably easy I can't help but be upset with myself for letting feelings and situations stew. But that's part of the point. When you're dealing with spiraling feelings, switching tabs to calm.com for a meditation isn't going to pull you away physically. And going for a walk while on a work call won't disconnect you mentally. But a 10 minute walk with no phone and an apple in your hand? Full reset. Bonus points if your significant other is with you to chat and chomp.
If you're willing to put in a little more effort, there's no better way to fully forget about the day's troubles than by lifting heavy weight, or climbing really hard. When your body believes your life is in danger, that disagreement with a coworker magically disappears from your mind. The barbell trying to sink you into the earth becomes the only thing that matters. It won't take long for the endorphins to fill you with feelings of satisfaction.
Grunt loud. Be happy.
But I'm getting older.
When I was 25, I ran the famous 20-squat workout routine and got to a 20-rep max of 275 pounds. When I was 23, I blacked out mid-deadlift while setting a new 5-rep personal best at 385 pounds. Incredibly, I woke up at the top after unconsciously locking out the 5th rep. At 27, I was consistently climbing V6 boulder problems in the climbing gym. These days, I struggle to get 5 squats at 225 pounds. My deadlift isn't much better. I basically can't climb harder than a V2. The years of running and drinking sapped my strength and, somehow, work capacity. I can't lift or climb more than a couple times a week.
This last week, I only went to the gym twice. My hamstring was twinging on Monday and I was feeling a bit stressed about the week. I was feeling old and fragile. So I walked down to the gym and did an upper body day. I don't care about the weight - only loaded 115 on the bench. I don't even know how many sets I did, I just know that I took every set to near failure. When I could only do 3 ugly reps, I dropped down to 95 and did a few more sets. Then I did some arms and shoulders. Again, no clue how many sets. Grunted a bit. Sweated. Probably didn't rest enough between sets Every set to failure. Left the gym in a happy daze. The rest of my week was great.
Grunt loud. Be happy.