Stop and smell the roses, but there were no roses. I still stopped.
Over the Thanksgiving weekend I took a trip down to Joshua Tree National Park in southern California. From where I am in the bay area, this is about an 8 hour drive without traffic. From where my uncle lives a bit south of me, it's still about an 8 hour drive, plus the 2 hours to get to him. Once inside the park, there is functionally no cellular service. Occasionally you'll be surprised by a bit of signal, but in the mountain bowl there no way for a cell tower to penetrate in.
It's just you, the rocks, and the crazy trees.
Last year was hectic. I traveled so much in preparation for my wedding. I actually got married. I believe that I progressed my career significantly, but at the cost of my free time and some physical health and ability. The trip to Joshua Tree was a reminder that this did not need to be the norm. Even on my honeymoon I struggled to disconnect fully. I wanted to "catch up" on all the news and tools that I might have missed out on. This was also the week that Claude Code launched on mobile with a bunch of free credits. The pressure was too much and I found myself twiddling around with a rust project from the beach.
All of this is fine, in spurts. But more and more I realize that the point is not to push. The point is to improve yourself or your mind and then be content. You put yourself through incredible stress to become a better runner, or lose weight, or go back to school, or whatever. But at the end of the day, there needs to be a payoff. There need to be periods of contentment between these periods of motivation.
And that's what the last month has been. I've been stressed, I've pushed myself at work, but I've also come to a feeling of contentment around my job, my friends, and my day to day experience. I enjoy biking home a little bit early. Or taking a little extra time to sip my coffee. Heck, I enjoy drinking less coffee, even though I probably enjoy each cup of coffee more.
The moment of slowing down didn't come from Joshua Tree. It started after the new year. But it was a marker in time that I noticed that I was out of control, hurtling towards a cliff of burnout and future cardiac problems. So now, I take the time to sit back and enjoy.